the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
