I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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