I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
