well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
