thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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