I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
