come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
