I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
