I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
