Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
