it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
