Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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