I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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