Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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