the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
