I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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