The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
