I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
