He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
