He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
