its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
