I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize