but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize