If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
