I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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