stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
