Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
