Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
