i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
