Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
