how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My bed smells like the plague
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