Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
