Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
