I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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