god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My first STD was from a foam party
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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