we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
