Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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