it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
