Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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