Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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