New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
