I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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