He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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