oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
