the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
