Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
