i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
