if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
