There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize