I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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