its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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