I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize