No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
