My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
