can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
