my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
