Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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