So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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