I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
