1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
