would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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