He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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