it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
