There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think my moral compass just broke
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
