You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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