My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
