so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
