Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she smelled like a LAN party
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
