when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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