final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We need to feng shui this bitch.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
