A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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