Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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