There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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