I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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