woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
